Ekklesia, Youth & Singles, Youth Blog, Youth Service

Red Flags in Courtship by Mr Tunde Abiola

What are Red Flags in Courtship?

  • Issues you should not ignore or excuse
  • Issues that have the tendency to grow with time and become monsters if not given appropriate attention
  • Indicators of possible  fundamental problems
  • Potential threats to your relationship dreams
  • Pitfalls waiting to happen
What to look out for
NB: Applies to both gender
Spiritual Flags
  • He doesn’t have a clear or definite salvation experience
  • He is not serious about his walk with GOD
  • He evidently lacks the fear of GOD
  • He is not active in the kingdom
  • He has remained a baby Christian for too long
  • He is accountable to no one
  • He despises Christian fellowship- prefers to roll with unbelievers
  • Does not share or agree with your vision, purpose or calling
  • He is hypocritical
Trust Flags
  • He doesn’t want to introduce you as his fiancee
  • She is not clear about her relationship with other guys
  • She is extremely jealous and possessive
  • He is very suspicious – finds it difficult to believe others
  • He is an impulsive or habitual liar
  • He blames everyone but himself
  • She Paints everyone around her black
Past Life Flags
  • He compares you consistently with his Ex
  • She is still close to her Ex and discusses your relationship with him
  • She is holding on dearly to an artifact of a past relationship and she is even touchy about it
  • She was sexually active
  • She was sexually abused
  • He has had multiple breakups
  • He has a child and has kept it from you
  • He has been married before but his current status is not clear
Behavioral Flags
  • He is rude and  abusive when talking to others
  • He is not courteous at all- no sorry, please or thank you
  • Has issues controlling his temper
  • Too  materialistic, greedy, covetous or Stingy
  • He can’t be trusted with money
  • Has persistent hygiene issues
  • She is lazy and not enterprising
  • She gives you or others attitude a lot
  • Has issues with substance abuse
Communication Flags
  • He is too secretive and not open
  • She can’t bridle her tongue or keep secrets
  • He is snobbish, gives out the silent treatment or constantly moody
  • Talks down to you
  • Always require reassurance, very insecure
Family Flags
  • There are family conditions that are not scriptural e.g. pregnancy before marriage
  • She doesn’t like your family, siblings, parents
  • There are serious family objections
  • He is primarily responsible for his family/sibling
Sexual Flags
  • He pressurizes for sex
  • He watches/is addicted to porn, masturbation…
  • She places little or no premium on sexual purity
  • She is wayward in appearance
  • He makes strange sexual requests or comments
General Recommendations 
  • There are no-issue free relationships, challenges are there to be surmounted.
  • There are things you can change and there are those that are beyond you – align accordingly
  • You need both truth and love to win in your relationships.
  • It is better to lose a cherished relationship than to mortgage your future
  • It takes two to tango, for your relationship to work, the other party must be at least as committed to it as you are.
  • Any relationship that lowers your self-esteem consistently is injurious to your life.
  • Anyone who believes he is doing you a favor by accepting you is not worthy of you.
  • Love and accept yourself and know who you are before seeking a partner. Knowing who you are will probably eliminate up to 60% of people from your list of “eligible”
  • Don’t expect too much from anyone but be willing to give your best.
  • Learn the art of having crucial conversations – in relationships, silent is not golden.

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